Great Christmas this year, family all gathered 'round the tube following a feast of epic proportions, post prandial cocktails, and a bong load or five... to watch "The Interview".
Really, I can't think of a better way to spend Christmas; loved ones together, a table groaning with the weight of more bounty than the average North Korean will see in a lifetime.
If they're lucky a North Korean, they might see as much food as we enjoyed in one sitting, in the totality of their lives.
Ponder on that for a moment.
Now take a look at any one of the thousands of photos of Kim Jong Un littering the pages of newspapers around the world.
Remove the ridiculous 1950's Mao suit, drop him in some baggy jeans, plant a Dodgers ballcap tilted sideways with the E.R.A. decal still stuck on the bill down on hs dome, and he looks like any other fat kid strutting down the street in Koreatown L.A.
Kimmy, 5' 3" and 240 pounds, with a 48" waistline, looking for all the world like a walking talking blackhead ready to puss purge under it's own pressure, is one amazingly fat Asian. Even here, where one has unlimited access to Mc Donalds et al, does one rarely take in the sight of an Asian man of such corpulent scale.
Like his grandfather and father before him, it's pretty clear dude hasn't gone an hour without stuffing something down that portly piehole.
So when given the opportunity to see a film by Seth Rogen and James Franco, and the super hot Lizzy Kaplan, satirizing the assassination of this human caricature; who could resist?
Normally I would have, not being one of those people who go to the movies on Christmas Day, it would have been quite easy to miss this film.
Until Kimmy and Co. decided to tell American's what we can watch.
For that reason alone, I paid the $14.99 to BUY the film, rather than rent what will surely be a onetime viewing. Unless of course Kimmy throws another psycho tantrum, then we'll be forced to institute a national day of "The Interview".
Fuck You Very Much Kimmy,
American Reality Party