Ikraine, Ukraine, Wekraine

Czar Vlad, saw the pics of you greeting farmers in the fields of Stavropol, sporting jeans and a shirt. Very glad to see you opted for the shirt this time; still reeling from the searing shock on my eyeballs of your last episode of soft white bellied political porn"Vlad's Gone Bad". When shit like that comes creeping across the screen during lunch, it makes even In 'n Out a challenge to finish.
Dude you're short, you're stumpy, really kinda dumpy, with a face so forgettable if you didn't have Russia by the throat politically you wouldn't merit a passing first glance. Let alone a serious look.
JFK you 'aint.

Once again though you've demanded, and received our attention little man, so please share your myopic midget's vision of Russia's economic sphere of influence.
But first, can I suggest something new for you Vlad?
Go for something a little less Soviet/Czarist Re-Tread, and maybe something a bit more modern day Russia Realistic. That means, at least to most of us around the globe, that you start work on reeling in the thuggery and graft at home, before you coerce 'er I mean entice other Fourth World Countries to join your fiefdom. It's really your only legitimate hope to attract some other megolomaniac running a poor misfortuned former Soviet sub-state.

Unfortunately, that's the only path you know, because that's Russian history in a nutshell.
Rather than make a compelling offer of cooperaiton based on mutual benefit, you're trudging down the turgid path of lead or gold. Lead for the peasants and intelligentsia of any given target of conquest, gold for the overlords who implement your plans for re-conquest of lost empire.

History repeats itself again, though this time not in the media vaccuum of times past.
In real time we're all treated to the un-abated wholesale blitz of propaganda from both sides, along with ghoulish footage of slavic brothers killing each other at the whim of a kleptocratic-sociopathic dwarf.

Like I said Vlad, something new would be welcome.
Here's my suggestion; declare yourself retired, allow real democracy a chance to gain a foothold.
Then just hang back, enjoy the bazillion dollars, and equal amount of euros and pounds sterling, you no doubt have squirreled away around the globe. Everyone knows Russian banks aren't worth a shit.

Vladimir Putin; Pussy Extraordinaire

Pussy Riot, the all-female Russian punk band, jailed for singing a protest song about Putin.
Source: Google Images

"Short people got no reason..."
"They got little hands, little eyes."
"They walk around tellin' great big lies..."

Sound familiar Russia? Amazing how song lyrics reflect real life, is it not?
Clearly Randy Newman had no way of foreseeing the rise of your very own Short People: Putin/Medvedev Inc.
However, he like the rest of us who study history, has a long well documented list of mini men who became dictators from which to draw inspiration for these lyrics.
Perfect analogies to what Russia faces today.

"They got little noses, and tiny little teeth."
"They wear platform shoes on their nasty little feet..."

They have no tolerance for freedom, despise free speech.
They jail young women, who use art to teach.
They fear losing power, knowing death is at hand.
That's why they locked up the girls in the band.

Little bitty men, with tiny little hearts.
Tore young lovers and families apart.
No sense of value, chained up in pride.
Nothin but darkness and evil inside.


"They got little baby legs, that stand so low."
 "You gotta pick em up, just to say hello."

They got little baby ears stuck to tiny round domes.
Full of bad ideas for you folks back home.
You threw out the czar, and the Nazis' too.
Best kill Vlad before he gets you.

Barry vs. Mitt: Round II

Source: Google Images

Dear Barry, and Mitt,

Two down, one to go, and just a few weeks remaining before we're forced to cast a vote for one of you sorry excuses for leadership. Your last debate, supposedly addressing foreign policy, represents your final opportunity in this election cycle to convince the American people that you understand why the rest of the world hates our guts.

Source: Google Images

Your first two debates established the fact that neither of you are interested in truth, facts, or reality. 

I expect this third encounter to devolve into outright name calling, blatant lying, and all out political farce. For entertainment value alone it's worth viewing; but when it comes down to why these debates are occurring, I believe we're being short changed.

Mitt you're clueless in this area as during your trip abroad you successfully alienated one of the few countries that tolerate us, Great Britain. And Barry, controlled by the corporate powers that pull the governments strings, you're next to powerless like all elected officials, to turn the tide of American hegemony wrought upon the world over the last 100 plus years. 

Source: Google Images

Neither one of you, has either the backbone or the sense of reality required to efficiently run our very polarized nation. Neither of you holds the capacity to unify a people intentionally divided by a ruling class that did not foresee the effect of using religion as a wedge against the middle. Or demonizing middle class wage earning union members as scapegoats for less than competitive American products. Mitt you and the Republicans are particularly guilty of this last charge, as you fail to acknowledge the fact that you and every American CEO of a Fortune 500 company are compensated at rates far beyond your peers in the rest of the first world. You guys pay yourselves like the Shah of Iran. Remember what happened to him? Worst of all is the fact that your party has been in open conflict with the middle class for almost a generation now when Uncle Ronnie fired the opening salvo with his abolition of the air traffic controllers union.

Sure.
Source: Google Images

Most importantly though as demonstrated by the first two debates, neither you nor the parties you represent are working for the betterment of the American people.

Once again we witness a struggle for power, that will only bear fruit for a small cabal of politically savvy, wealthy individuals.

These debates are all the evidence I need to demand change. Substantive, exacting change.

America needs at least one more relevant political party, independent of the two established patrimonies. Optimally three or four parties. 

A radically truncated election cycle, 60 days max.

Stringent limitations on fundraising by our elected officials.

No corporate or union political activity.

Lobbyists for any cause strictly forbidden.

Return all American armed forces to barracks in the USA. We killed Bin Laden, we're done. WWII is over, so is the Korean War, bring them all home.

We are not the American Empire, we are not the worlds policeman. It is not incumbent on us to dictate morality to other nations or to our own citizens.

Governments function is to provide security and infrastructure in this country, not in Afghanistan.

Nor is it the governments responsibility to regulate life choices that effect only me; so please I respectfully request that this government butt the fuck out of my life, if I want advice on how to live I'll contact Oprah.

Thank You,

American Reality Party